Women’s Lives Need a Trigger Warning

Today is one of Those Days – an angry day.

As if walking down the street, or being alone in an elevator with a man, or seeing Cosmo in the checkout line of the supermarket, or looking at the clothes marketed to women in stores wasn’t enough to remind me that I’m supposed to be a delicious little cookie waiting to be gobbled up by the Big Bad Wolf. No, I go to work (or read the newspaper) and get to read this shit over and over and over and over again.

“The victim… The victims… The young woman… Two thirteen year old girls… The respondent’s wife… The defendant’s daughter… Jane Doe…”

“…was held down and forcibly penetrated with several foreign objects, beaten, whipped, and electrocuted…was raped at gunpoint by six men…was attacked with acid and later placed into the local jail, where she was repeatedly raped by guards…was found strangled to death, the defendant’s semen in her vagina and on other locations on her body…was repeatedly raped in the back of the van by the other gang members while the defendant drove them to a remote location…”

“…she later testified…she later died…she was later diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder…she required multiple surgeries…she miscarried…she later committed suicide….”

Dear men:


No, seriously. This is a rant, and it’s about you, personally. You, personally, are a shit, because statistics indicate there is an almost 100% certainty that you have either committed a rape, or wanted to commit a rape, or knowingly assisted or defended someone who committed a rape, or mocked a woman who was raped. And no, I’m not dropping links to tell you what you should damn well already know.

Here is what you know: that you are a vile and depraved chunk of flesh that doesn’t matter to the world. You exist in a reality you perpetuate in which value is all relative, in which everything is placed into a hierarchy, which in the end means that nothing has inherent value. You are literally worthless.

And you are willing to do it so long as someone is worth less. So part of the way you deal with that is to try to make women worth less. You whine and whinge and cry about the Big Brother Corporations or Big Brother Government or Big Brother China-taking-all-our-jobs or Big Brother asshole-who-beat-you-up-in-seventh-grade or Big Brother who-raped-you, but in the end you lap it up and pass the buck so that you can have someone underneath your own thumb. You only care about your rank in the pecking order, so spare me the crocodile tears.

I used to pity you. I used to feel sorry for you. I used to think most of you got a bad rap and were probably misunderstood.

But women are raped every day and we don’t go on murdering sprees. We don’t hunt men down and torture them to death. Little girls aren’t known for picking the wings off flies or frying ants to death on the sidewalk. Women in war zones are raped en masse and then cry for peace, and I’m expected to swallow your sob story about having a troubled childhood because you never knew your father and that’s why you and your friends drugged and gang-raped a sixteen year old girl.

On a daily basis you, individually and in concert with other men, actively attempt to destroy the lives of a class of people who have, for the most part, never done anything to you. Who have been enslaved and raped and brutalized and forced to raise children you claim or starve or beat or sell, and have for the most part still managed to find it in their hearts to love. Who rarely hurt you back. Who almost never rape or murder you. Who usually only harm you or their children when suffering from deep trauma-related psychoses. We suffer, daily, and you laugh at us, and tell us it’s our fault.

Then you tell us you can’t help it. It’s your nature. It’s how you love. It’s how you desire. It’s how you prove yourselves.

All of which leads me to believe that either you’re deluding yourselves about the reality of your choices OR that you really and truly are fundamentally flawed beings. It’s amazing how many of your academic fields and governance – from evolutionary biology, to psychology, to criminal law – are constantly trying to convince me of the latter. Females are human beings, but I’m not sure what you are.

If the world was the tiniest bit just, or fair, or merciful, or righteous, I would be out there with a knife or a gun hunting you down. I would offer you blowjobs for forty dollars behind the building and then dispatch you quickly in quiet solitude. I would be kinder than you, because I would only go after adults. I would be kinder than you, because I would do it quickly and not torture you first. I would be kinder than you, because I wouldn’t call you names or demean you or psychologically terrorize you while I was doing it. You would be released from the psychotic prison of your mind, and there would be one less man out there threatening my mother, my sisters, my daughters, and my self.

You wouldn’t know who I was. I smile at you in that elevator. I dress inconspicuously. I call you “sir” if you’re older. I’m the one who serves you coffee at the drive-thru window, and you crack jokes to try to get me to smile. I’m the one who cleans your office, who you greet by first name and a smile with that little half-wave. I’m the one who tells you to turn your head to the side and cough. I could poison you, I could go through your desk drawer and destroy your finances, I could kill you on the operating table. I could do things to you. You don’t know. I’m your next door neighbor, your secretary, your sister, your wife. I’m the “loud” “fat” woman in your office you dismiss out of hand. I’m the young Asian girl from downstairs you eroticize because of my presumed submissiveness.

It’s ironic, really – you try to subvert, and corrupt, and infect, and distort, and mangle, and destroy our lives because you aren’t even sure you have one. It’s obvious that you don’t deserve one.

You aren’t scared of me, but maybe you should be. Because I know what you are. And I know how this will end.

You think this sounds violent? Don’t even start; I know what you look at when you masturbate.

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10 Responses to Women’s Lives Need a Trigger Warning

  1. m Andrea says:

    And for some reason this will never make the front page of the Washington Post… lol

    This was utterly, unbelievably, utterly, impressivly, utterly amazing. Thank you so much for describing *exactly* how I feel.

  2. m Andrea says:

    It wouldn’t get printed because it’s too true and too painful, and would make the men too angry, is what I meant… It does indeed deserve to be on the front page though.

  3. factcheckme says:

    they will always bring that into it, wont they? how you are “violently fantasizing” about men, so that makes you a bad person, and it makes you someone who is ACTAULLY DANGEROUS to men. even though men violently fantasize about women all the time, AND they are bad people, AND they actually physically harm women all the time. but you know, we are just supposed to ignore all of that. and if possible, focus on the one or two women who are JUST TALKING, and casting me in an unflattering light. oh noes!

  4. factcheckme says:

    thats “casting MEN in an unflattering light.” sorry!

  5. Miska says:

    I want to print this out and photocopy it and drop it all around the city.

  6. pisaquaririse says:


  7. Interesting day to come back from vacation, since it looks like some websites picked up this particular post on Monday. My blog had a record day for hit numbers.

    To those who are offended that their comments weren’t published:

    (1) When I got back from vacation, it was easy to spam most of your comments – I just had to search for ones that called me “fat” or “ugly” and that weeded out about three-quarters of the comments. Calls for me to be raped got rid of most of the rest. This really goes to show that if you just let men talk (semi-)anonymously for a bit, they are more than happy to reveal how much they hate women.

    (2) Of the 20 or so comments remaining, most didn’t respond to anything in the post except to say one “can’t fight hate with hate” or we “can’t fight violence with violence.” Some of them quoted Gandhi or MLK Jr. To those folks, I would point out that the explicit reason why Hugh Hefner chose bunny rabbits as a motif for “his” “girls” is because they are non-threatening “prey” creatures. This isn’t about hate; this is about survival.

    (3) To the (mostly gay) men who claim that they are being painted unfairly as rapists or rape-supporters, and that they have never done any of the things I say there is an “almost 100% certainty” they have done: orly? I have never met a male above the age of 14 who had not engaged in these behaviors at least once, and I have spent an inordinate amount of time around gay men, religious men, “family” men, and other men who swear to the ends of the earth that they would never do the things I have seen them do or say the things I’ve heard them say. Perhaps you are so involved in perpetuating a culture of rape that you aren’t even aware you’re doing it. You have now been made aware of the problem. If you wish to fix your problem, the ball is in your court.

  8. Anna Beldove says:

    A well written piece, and quite thought provoking. However I must confess.
    I’m sorry, but I cannot agree with what you are saying.
    I am certain that this comment will not be seen, as you will no doubt mark it as spam, and it will not be published.
    Understand this; anyone, regardless of race or gender, who denies someone their humanity is my enemy. You, so filled with hate, so willing to place all men in a box, fall into that category. In this way, you are no different from the men you so despise.
    I can hardly say that I have not felt like you at some point in my life, but I know that there is good in this world.
    In closing, let me ask you this:
    Have you ever felt love?

    • So does that mean that the system of gender itself, and the men who support and enforce it, are your enemy? Because that was kind of my point, too.

      I hardly think that being angry at someone – even anger at a class of oppressors – denies them their humanity. When I said in the post that women are human “but I’m not sure what you are,” I was still talking about how the culture of masculinization essentially tells men that they aren’t human – instead, they’re savage beasts barely held in check by civilization (and most men are perfectly willing to go along with that because it grants them privileges).

      I vehemently disagree that when somebody hates or despises an oppressor it is “no different” than hate from the oppressor. I would even say that it is healthy for members of an oppressed group to (occasionally?) hate their oppressors, since it’s a sign that they haven’t completely internalized their own subjugation. I think it’s perfectly healthy and acceptable for (using the US as an example) black men to sometimes express hatred or disdain of white men, and point out what it would be like if the “tables were turned,” so to speak. I think it’s perfectly healthy and acceptable for members of indigenous nations to profess hatred of the rest of us, who persist in denying them sovereignty and engage in cultural appropriation and colonization. Of course, even in those conflicts, the “battlegrounds” are often fought on women’s bodies; there is a global war against women which very few men are willing to acknowledge, but in which virtually all are complicit. And y’know, I think I have a right to be incredibly angry about that. I’m not the one placing men in a box; they’re more than capable of doing that themselves, and ensuring I’m kept in a box of my own (which is shown with visual aids at FAB Matters, albeit in reference to a different topic than the one at hand).

      Do you really think that means I think there’s no “good in this world” or that I don’t feel love? If that was the case, yeah, I’d probably have a serious problem. But don’t worry – I have plenty of love in my life, and the majority of the time I’m pretty happy just going along, and doing what I can to save the world.

      Tell me, as much as you think I’m “filled with hate,” how do you respond to Strauss-Kahn, Polanski, or Pfc. Steven D. Green? It seems to me that when women are enraged it’s considered a huge problem, even if we’re only talking, but when men actually engage in deliberate cruelty and violence towards women it’s somehow not as serious.

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